ennui.

Word of the day: Ennui
Pronounced: ahn WEE

Definition: (noun) a feeling of discontent or weariness; boredom

Example: To enliven and rejuvenate a person suffering from ennui, one might prescribe a dose of scintillation, titillation, or jubilation.

that night.

It’s been a long time since I have felt pure happiness.
Just when I think I’m there – My mind flashes back to that day.
The day that forever changed my life.
I’m getting better at ignoring the painful memories of her passing
but the events of that night still burn fiercely in my memory

The night air had turned crisp
Dew capped the cooled spring grass
The moon shined down, casting shadows on the familiar objects of my childhood
Everything was simultaneously where it should be and out of place
My mind raced to catch up with the events of the day
Sadness took over my body and my mind was numb
We worked so hard, yet ultimately failed
She was gone and we were left behind
I must have sat on those porch steps for a good hour
I stared at the stars looking for God
He had to be there somewhere

That night I realized my life was never going to be the same
Over a year has passed and I still fight the painful memories of that evening
They say time heals the heart, but who can put a timeframe on a hurt that runs so deep?
I continue to live my life, stumbling frequently along the way
I have a lot to learn and hope that when the day comes for me to see her again,
That she will be proud of me and all I have done

Today is a tough day
They come and go
Tomorrow will be better and I will hold my head high
Just the way she’d want me to

writing class.

so i started taking a writing class. and... i LOVE it. each wednesday and friday we get writing assignments. it's all done online which allows for great flexibility! from time to time i'm going to post excepts from the class on here. i'm not sure that anyone reads this thing anymore, but at some point i hope to futher develop my site into a somewhat entertaining place to pass through. standby...

lao tzu.

at the center of your being you have the answer;
you know who you are and you know what you want.

soundtrack of my life.

If I were to create a soundtrack of my life, I think it would go something like this...
(This is only volume 1. stay tuned for future tracks...)

• Could it be any Harder?, The Calling
• Who's Got My Back?, Creed
• Have You Seen Me Lately?, Counting Crows
• Don't Stop Dancing, Creed
• Free Life, Dan Wilson
• Falls Apart Again, Brandi Carlile
• Gravity, Sara Bareilles
• Holiday, Boys Like Girls
• The Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks
• It's My Life, Bon Jovi
• No One, Alicia Keys
• Forever, Chris Brown
• Orange Sky, Alexi Murdoch

introducing - ms. stella bean

higher. faster. farther.

higher. faster. farther.
if i were a bird i would fly high into the sky.
i would touch the clouds and stop just before reaching the heavens.
i would swoop down to the ocean and stop before plunging into the great waters.

higher. faster. farther.
if i were a bird i would soar effortlessly through the sky.
i would feel the wind in my face.
i would fly as fast as possible, knowing no limits.

higher. faster. farther.
if i were a bird i would fly to a far away land.
i would fly to the place where judgement didn't exist.
i would fly to the place where freedom was respected.
where boundaries were unknown.

if i were a bird i would fly higher. faster. farther.
i would know no limits and i would soar.